Self Centered.

Everything I do is extremely self-centered. And because of that, everything I do serves my purpose. And because purpose is always inextricably linked to service, everything I do is tied to improving the lives of others. 

If you want to be a person who helps more people, you need to be more selfish.

People pleasing =nobody is actually pleased.

Your people pleasing tendencies may have you believing that being a martyr makes you a good person. If you are always putting yourself last you are not a selfless saint, you're addicted to being a victim.

A people pleaser that refuses to be selfish is actually the most self interested archetype of person to exist. 

Here is why.

People pleasing is rooted in external approval. It always goes back to childhood or formative years and the need to be a “good girl” to get love and attention from our caretakers.

It's very common. As a recovering people pleaser I know the feeling all too well. When you agree to something just because you don't want to come across as bitchy or rude-this is people pleasing. 

When the “yes” leaves you feeling bitter, resentful, agitated or annoyed- people pleasing. 

You can justify it to yourself all types of different ways but the root of a people pleasing always returns to the craving to be perceived as a good person. Women get bit in the ass by people pleasing a lot more than men. 

Your “no” is as important as your “yes”.

Think of a scenario at work where the boss asks a group if anyone can pick up an extra task. When it's silent for a second and you feel that urge to just say yes even though you really don't want to- DON’T SAY YES. Why should you have to do it over anyone else? Your time is just as valuable as everyone else's. Would it be easy for you? Yep. But that doesn't mean it's your job. Women are just good at everything so we think it's easier if we just do it. No. Make a man figure it out for once. Place more value on your time and energy, it is the most precious asset you have.

When you get over the knee jerk urge to say yes to everything you can start to strengthen the intuitive muscle of discernment. What you actually want to say yes to vs what you actually want to say no to. Start using that no, mama! And if after you say “no”, someone thinks to themselves “oh wow she's kind of rude”…

… who gives a shit!

Any projection someone puts on you is a reflection of them. This is psychology 101.

Every time I hear a woman say “no” I think to myself “omg purrrr, queen”. 

There is no such thing as one way liberation.

Everything you agree to out of people pleasing, is something that you most definitely will not do your best work at. When you are attending an event or doing something for your boss out of the energy of “Ugh, I just have to get through this even though I wish I was somewhere else doing something else” you are bringing the worst energy ever. When you say yes to something out of alignment, (you can tell by the fact that you aren't excited to do it) there is no room left for the person who is in alignment with the thing to do it. You’re messing with the flow, maaann.

So here you are pissed off about doing something, when instead there could have been someone doing it who wasn't pissed off about doing it. Through people pleasing, nobody is pleased.

When you begin exercising your “no” you clear more room in your schedule to say “yes” to stuff that you actually feel aligned with and energized by. And when you are doing something that is in alignment you are bringing an energy that is lovely for everyone that is around it. Aligned energy is magnetic and brings harmony everywhere it goes. When you say yes to something out of excitement and a genuine desire to do it (aligned), you will bring your very best to this situation.

You shouldn't be doing anything if you aren't planning on doing your very best. Agreement #4 of the Four Agreements : Always Do Your Best. 

When you agree to a bunch of shit you don't even want to do there is no way you can do your best work. 

So BE MORE SELF-CENTERED. When you are more selfish, you help more people. Go where your excitement and alignment guide you and you will become a light in way more lives, and in the process, make your own life way better too.

:)