my type

I didn't want to do this but it had to be done. Today I will be talking about… BOYS! Boys, boys, boys- can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em. 

Here is how this applies and why it is important!!!

Yes, I will be talking about boys and crushes, but crushes are just the vehicle for what I am really getting at-

our patterns and the agreements that we hold that cause us to keep repeating them. 

Why do we keep choosing things that hurt us? Why do we keep allowing the same things to have power over us, make us question our worth and make us feel bad about ourselves?

A pattern that I am currently working through in my own life is relationship dynamics.

Or should I say situationship dynamics. 

I seem to only be drawn to boys who are entirely impartial to me. 😄

And I will be delving into all of that now …. Happy Mercurial Monday!!!

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They are not your type, they are your pattern. 

When we experience the feeling of “attraction” it is actually just our nervous system telling us that we are experiencing trauma. LOL.

Let me explain.

Our minds and bodies are stellar at picking up on cues. We register social cues and make an initial judgement about someone within the first 7 seconds of knowing them. 

Of course, this is just our perception of them.

This perception is based on patterns. 

So when we meet someone and feel very quickly that we are “attracted” to them, before knowing their values or how they treat people or how they treat us - it is always a trauma response. (Of course you could meet someone and have an initial attraction to them AND get to know them and find out that you share values and have actual compatibility, but this is a rare exception to the rule.)

When we see someone and get butterflies. Heart racing, adrenaline spiked. When we are around them and we feel like we are floating through a lavender haze. Foggy, unfocused, heart eyes emoji. 

This is our body recognizing something deeply familiar. Remember- the only task of the mind is to keep you alive by repeating what is familiar. 

They feel attractive to your body, because so far, this person is fulfilling the prophecy of what you believe to be true about yourself. This person is mirroring to you the beliefs that you hold about yourself and your story. 

Everyone has a different type because everyone has a different wound. 

A “type” is a specific set of physical and personality traits that we crave to be validated by because somewhere in our past we did not get validation from a person that had those traits. 

It all comes back to a deep belief that we are not worthy of love.

Everyone has a different physical type because somewhere inside of you, you believe that people that look like that would make you more worthy if they chose you and loved you. 

You adore a certain personality trait because someone that acts like that, is someone that would make you more worthy if you were to be chosen and loved by them. 

You might only like people of a certain status or career or lifestyle because you only would feel worthy if you were chosen and loved by someone who does that.

The only reason they are making you feel butterflies is because they are the pattern embodied- the pattern of someone not choosing you or not loving you in the way you deserve to be loved. Reinforcing your belief that you are not inherently worthy of love- that love is something you have to work for and earn. The moment you felt the crush flicker, the moment you felt the first little flutters, your body was recognizing that this person feels familiar. But not in a good way.  It is your body saying “Oh, I recognize this. I know how to play this role. I know exactly how it feels to not get love from someone just like this. I have done this before. And because, deep down, I don’t feel like I am worthy of unconditional love, this is the role that I will keep playing.” 

Until you hold the belief that you are deserving of love, exactly how you are, right now- you will keep choosing partners that prove to you why you are not. 

The only true things are that  

YOU ARE ENOUGH

YOU ARE WORTHY

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

YOU ARE COOL

YOU ARE INTERESTING 

YOU ARE A UNIQUE PERFECT ANGEL - JUST AS YOU ARE

Your life is a mirror of your beliefs. 

I know because I still feel attraction towards people that are bad for me, I have unresolved trauma, and that's okay. I don’t know if the feeling of attraction to my type will ever go away, and it might not. I am still figuring this whole thing out. 

I will keep sharing my findings, lol.

I know progress is not linear. Healing is not linear.

I know that healthy relationships are built on compatibility and the decision that you want to be together. 

Initial feelings and the honeymoon phase always go away. The thing that makes relationships real and makes them last is love. And love is the mutual decision between both parties that you are committed to trekking the terrain of life together. That you will accept every new emerging version of them, and in turn they will accept every new version of you. That no matter what life throws at you, you are committed to the work that is being in a relationship. 

Love is more than an emotion, it is a commitment to action.

This is actual love. 

The feeling of having a crush - isn't.

All that said, I still absolutely love crushes. Maybe I always will.

But I am a healer after all- what am I here to do, if not to confront the wound?

hehe. 

Keep it cute.

xx Bella