authentic confidence

It is absolutely imperative you get to know the real you. The you underneath your identity. 

The you that is your essence. Your being. Your energy. If not, you will continue to follow the pattern of misalignment. You will oscillate between “fine” and deep suffering, without ever breaking through to deep happiness that lasts.

*I refer to this deep, inner you as the Self (capital S).

Ever since I was very little I have been obsessed with identity. I have a journal from elementary school where I interviewed various members of my family asking their favorite color, their favorite number, their favorite flower, their favorite place and whether they preferred the lake or a spa. I guess I thought that that would tell me everything I needed to know.

I have always been very observant of my own identity as well. I knew that I was most definitely a tomboy while my sister was most definitely a girly girl. I knew that I liked blue and definitely did not like pink. I knew that I hated make up and dresses and putting my Build-a-Bears in clothes.

I thought it was cool when girls were not scared of spiders. My idol was Extreme Wylene Wilson, a boisterous horse trainer. I looked up to her because, yes - she was a horse trainer, but also because I l knew that I wanted to have her level of confidence. I wanted to know how I could be like that. She was absolutely sure of herself. She was loud but not obnoxious. She was theatrical but not corny.

Confidence that is authentic has a unique quality. Anyone can fake confidence but people that are sensitive to energy (basically all women) can feel the difference. 

Being around people that are falsely confident feels like effort. It is draining. Being around people that are falsely confident is energetic work. It is hard to make sense of. It feels like confusion when being around them. Their words don’t match their actions. Being around people that are falsely confident is grating. You may leave their presence feeling worse about yourself or a situation. 

Being around people that are authentically confident feels peaceful. Being around them is calming. People that are genuinely confident are fun to be around because they are playful. People are only playful when they are comfortable. 

Being the type of confident that elevates those around you is genuine, authentic, soul deep confidence. This type of confidence only comes from a deep understanding of what is your identity vs what is the Self.

Getting through to the Self through all of the layers of false identity requires deep introspection. Digging through layers of false identity requires shadow work and ego death. This is why people that are authentically confident are accepting and patient. 

Shadow work brings all the aspects of yourself that you want to keep buried, up to the surface for you to shine awareness upon and then accept. 

Ego death is the preceding event that occurs. When you realize that everything you thought you liked, you only liked because you were keeping yourself safe in childhood. 

Identity is something we all got assigned. 

Identity was never something we are. 

Every identity we will ever take on will be false. Even as we morph into new versions of ourselves, even as we morph into our highest self. Identity is always restrictive because it inherently is fixed. Claiming a new identity is not bad, it is a necessary part of expansion, but any identity is never truly accurate.

We are never a label, we are only ever infinite. We are only ever a fractal of the Absolute.

And that is where unshakable confidence comes from. When you are able to accept yourself completely in every single moment. When you know yourself well enough to know why you like the things you like. Why you stand for the things you stand for. These pieces of you do not change because they are your being.

That is real which never changes.

When you know deeply that it doesn’t matter who doesn’t accept you because you accept you. You are comfortable in your skin, your hair, your clothes, your adornment. Everything is intentional. Any mistake that you might make cannot embarrass you because you already forgave yourself the second it happened. You thought it was actually precious. That is true confidence. 

Who would you be if you were exactly who you wanted to be? 

That is you.

Ready to live a life that feels like an authentic expression of your soul? Ready to love your body and your self and the way you show up in the world? My 1:1 container is the place for you. I am excited to work with you.